this glorious maze

because life is full of twists and turns

Month: May 2011 (page 1 of 4)

the lies of old; the truth that is older still

God isn’t truly good.

His plan isn’t best.
I could do better on my own.
He demands too much.
I hear them again.  Those old lies keep popping up.  Those lies that are as old as this Earth.
In the beginning, it was good.
Yet in the beginning came the lies.  The sins came too.  Sins of ungratefulness.  pride.  self-sufficiency.  lack of trust.
Those same lies have been catching us all since the dawn of age.  One would think that the lies would change.  But why change when the old is working so well?
My own life bears witness.  
The old lies are still working.  Still making me doubt His goodness, still hindering my gratitude, still convincing me that I could do better on my own.
It seems hopeless.  If the lies have been working since the beginning, how can I find truth?
The old lies run deep.  But the Truth is deeper and older still.
I repeat it to myself, murmuring prayers for the day when “the Curse shall be no more” (Rev 22).  This long-awaited day will mark the final freedom from all of those lies.  It will signify the already-won victory.
That day seems far away.  For now, the lies seem louder and surer than the truth.
As I wait for that day I cling the ancient Truth.
As I wait for that day I accept my overflowing portion of grace.
I breathe.
And I allow the Truth to marinate into my soul, leaving it grace-stained.
Grace and Truth.

Together these will conquer the lies.

Grace and Truth.

Together these HAVE conquered the lies.

“And the Word became flesh,

and dwelt among us,

and we saw His glory,

glory as of the only begotten from the Father,

full of grace and truth.”

John 1:14

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the greatest threat…

I am so quick to spot it in others.  Yet I fail to see it in my own life.
When it does become visible, I make excuses.
It’s a fundamental attribute error.
What I am learning is that my selfishness is destructive.
It is destructive in many areas, but one in particular.
As I prepare for marriage I spend time reading, writing, thinking, praying.
I want to protect us from all that threatens so menacingly.
But there is something that I cannot shut out.
It cannot be wished away or ignored.
What I am learning is that I am the greatest threat to my marriage.
It is only when I stop shifting blame and accept responsibility for my actions that this becomes visible.
If I allow it, my selfishness has the potential to choke and suffocate my marriage.
I need Jesus today and always.
He chose selflessness and through Him, I too can have that choice.
It will not be easy.  In fact, it will be completely contrary to my human nature.
But if each and every day I accept His grace, I can (slowly, painfully, haltingly) learn to die to self.
After all, the Christian life is simply a chance to die.
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Mayo Clinic Trip – Summary

Here is a summary post of my time at Mayo Clinic.  I didn’t end up posting about my appointments on Thursday and Friday, so I’ll simply include those in here.  (Honestly, I’m kind of sick about posting about doctors and illness so this might be short – of course feel free to ask questions if I didn’t answer something).

Friday provided a lot of answers and we were so happy!  We found out that I had correctly self diagnosed myself with an extremely, extremely rare illness.  It’s not really a happy diagnosis, but there is something wonderful about finally having a name.  There is peace in having a name.

Overall we were very pleased with this trip to Mayo (our second trip).  It was an exhausting six days and we are still recovering, but it was worth it.  We received a lot of quality information for managing my primary illness as well as got medicine to help with my migraines.  And finally, we got an official diagnosis from an expert in a very, very rare illness.

We worked to maintain eyes for beauty and to express gratitude each day.  At times, Mayo seems so hopeless as there are suffering people all over the place.  It is easy to get fixated on getting well and on finding relief.  Yet I am reminded that more than needing a Healer for my body, I need a Healer for my heart.

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